Lady Dracula is bringing the motherfucking classicvania genre back from the dead. Built by a two-person team of underpaid, overworked hustlers, this is the Castlevania game you didn’t know you needed. Wishlist on Steam now!
Wishlist Lady Dracula Now
"WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PLAYED A CLASSICVANIA?"
WHAT THE FUCK IS A CLASSICVANIA?
What the FUCK are you talking about?
No, seriously—what the FUCK is a classicvania? What the fucking fuck is a classic fucking vania? It's classic? It's Vania? I know what a Metroidvania is—but a classic-vania? What does that even MEAN?
WHAT IS CASTLEVANIA? Is that the Netflix show? Are you stupid? Is this a game series? FOR THE NES, YO—THAT'S WILD.
Let me get you up to speed: Konami used to make ACTUAL VIDEO GAMES, not just pachinko machines. What's pachinko? I don't fucking know, bro—I'm not Japanese, don't ask me. But let me tell you something—Castlevania? The real ones? NES, Super Nintendo? They were the PINNACLE. They were the Souls-like before Souls was a thing. They were the Dark Souls before Dark Souls HAD A NAME.
Oh, that comparison's played out now? Then play Bloodborne with the cane-whip and go boot up Castlevania. Tell me they weren't filling the exact same fucking role before 3D gaming took over. TELL ME I'M WRONG.
But enough about the forefathers. We're talking about the MOTHERS now.
*WHEN IT'S GIVING MOTHER, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE MOTHERS. AND LADY DRACULA? LADY DRACULA IS GIVING MOTHER.*
Art by DJ Nebulous
LADY DRACULA. A brand-new classic-vania dropping THIS SUMMER. Not too fucking long from now. You can wishlist it RIGHT NOW on Steam —and you'd be one DUMB, DUMB VAMPIRE if you didn't.
Because GOTH DONUT GAMES? These motherfuckers are UNDERPAID. UNDERFUNDED. OVERWORKED. Two hustlers—one handling art and game design, the other making music like a man possessed. A WHOLE LOT OF GRIT. MOXIE. HUSTLERMAXXING. GRINDSET PILLED. CALVINISMVANIA. CALL EM DONNA SUMMERS, GIRL THEY ARE WORKING HARD FOR THE! They took DONKEY KONG BARRELS and threw them into Castlevania. AND IT LOOKS SICK. *
GAMEPLAY? SOLID. GRAPHICS? SOLID. ART DIRECTION? SANDOW—STRONG AS FUCK. HEAVY. THIS SHIT IS BODY BUILDER STRONG. For a single (THAT'S ONE PERSON) artist to put this much love into the scenery with NO BUDGET—just the hope that some random-ass internet websites (like us) would cover them? Just the prayer that a few blessed souls would stumble onto their game in this algorithmic noise we call the modern internet?
THEY DID IT. And it looks BEAUTIFUL.
Now IMAGINE what they could do if you actually supported them. GO WISHLIST. GO PRE-ORDER. SMASH THAT LIKE, HIT SUBSCRIBE, RATE THIS SHIT 5 STARS LIKE IT'S 2008 AGAIN, BROTHER.
DO THAT, and guess what? THEY'LL MAKE A SHITLOAD OF MONEY. They'll drop sequels. And that shit's gonna look like—fuck, I don't know—WHAT'S THE NEWEST MARVEL MOVIE? Superhero 7? *IT'LL LOOK LIKE SUPERHERO 7.* (That movie had great visual effects, lots of easter eggs too, our funkos are on the way!!)
SO GO PRE-ORDER THIS SHIT. Join their DISCORD —full of dope people making more games, more music, more art. Check out GOTH DONUT GAMES. Check out LADY DRACULA. And GIVE A CLASSICVANIA A FUCKING TRY.
YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.
Because let me tell you—LADY DRACULA? It's bringing the whole genre back. And the way they're doing it? *AVGN AIN'T GONNA BE SCREAMING "WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!"*
Wishlist Lady Dracula Now
Join the Goth Donut Games Discord
